Mark, a sharp guy with a quick wit and a killer sense of humor, often found himself pondering a question that, on the surface, seemed trivial but deeply gnawed at him: “How tall is OK for a man?” He wasn’t particularly short, hovering around 5’8″, which is just about average for an American man. But in an age of social media filters and curated dating profiles, where so many folks seemed to list “6 feet and up” as a non-negotiable, Mark couldn’t shake the feeling that his perfectly respectable height was somehow holding him back. He saw his taller friends effortlessly command attention, both in social circles and, frankly, on the apps. Was there some invisible height threshold he just wasn’t clearing? It’s a pretty common internal debate, you know? Many men wrestle with this, wondering if their height measures up, not just literally, but culturally and socially.
So, let’s get right to it: How tall is OK for a man? The concise answer is that there isn’t a single, universally “OK” height, as it’s profoundly subjective and context-dependent. However, for most social and professional situations in the United States, anything within or slightly above the national average range (typically from about 5’7″ to 5’11”) is generally considered perfectly acceptable and often advantageous. Extremes at either end of the spectrum, whether significantly shorter or exceptionally taller, might come with their own unique set of social perceptions and practical challenges, but do not inherently make a man “not OK.” Ultimately, “OK” is less about the number on the tape measure and more about confidence, character, and how a man carries himself.
The Unspoken Power of Height: Why It Even Matters
For centuries, right up until the modern era, height was often associated with strength, dominance, and protection. Think about it: in many ancient cultures, taller individuals were often seen as more formidable warriors or natural leaders. While we’ve long moved past needing to physically fight off predators or rival tribes, some of these deep-seated, almost primal perceptions seem to linger in our collective unconscious. It’s not something we consciously acknowledge every day, but it’s there, bubbling under the surface.
In today’s world, the ‘power’ of height has subtly shifted. It’s less about physical intimidation and more about perceived status, authority, and even attractiveness. Sociological studies and anecdotal evidence alike suggest that taller men might, at times, enjoy certain advantages, whether in the boardroom, on a date, or simply when commanding a room. This isn’t to say shorter men are disadvantaged in every scenario, not by a long shot, but it does highlight why the question of “how tall is OK for a man” holds such weight for so many.
The perception of height is a complex tapestry woven from evolutionary psychology, cultural narratives, and individual experiences. From a very young age, kids often assign leadership roles to the taller ones in their group, or perceive them as ‘older’ or ‘stronger.’ These ingrained patterns can follow us into adulthood, influencing everything from how we present ourselves to how others react to us. It’s a fascinating, if sometimes frustrating, aspect of human social dynamics.
Average vs. Ideal: The American Landscape
Let’s talk numbers for a moment, just to set a baseline. In the United States, the average height for an adult male hovers around 5 feet 9 inches (approximately 175.3 centimeters). This figure comes from various health surveys and population studies. So, if you’re anywhere in that ballpark, you’re pretty much right there with the majority of American men. But here’s the kicker: “average” doesn’t always align with “ideal” in the minds of many folks, especially when it comes to social perceptions and, let’s be frank, dating preferences.
While 5’9″ is the average, many surveys and anecdotal observations suggest that a significant portion of women, and even some men, tend to express a preference for male partners who are taller than average. The “ideal” often seems to drift towards the 5’11” to 6’2″ range. Why is this? Well, a lot of it probably ties back to those ingrained societal perceptions we just discussed—the idea of protection, looking up to someone literally and figuratively, or perhaps even just cultural conditioning from media. It’s a blend of biology, psychology, and societal narratives that shape these preferences.
It’s important to differentiate between stated preferences and actual relationships, though. People might *say* they prefer a certain height, but when it comes down to genuine connection, attraction, and chemistry, those numbers often take a backseat. Love, as they say, is blind, or at least a little nearsighted when it comes to inches. Still, the existence of these perceived ideals can definitely contribute to the internal struggles men like Mark experience.
Perceived Ideal Height Ranges for Men in the U.S. (Based on General Social Observations):
| Context/Group | Commonly Perceived “Ideal” Range | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| General Social Preference | 5’10” – 6’2″ | Often seen as ‘tall enough’ without being ‘too tall’. |
| Dating (Online) | 6’0″ and up | Commonly cited preference, especially on apps, though real-world choices vary. |
| Professional Leadership | 5’11” – 6’3″ | Subtle bias toward taller individuals for leadership roles. |
| Fashion/Modeling | 6’0″ – 6’4″ | Industry standards often lean towards significant height for male models. |
| Sports (e.g., Basketball) | 6’4″ and up | Context-specific, where height is a direct performance advantage. |
As you can see, the “ideal” is really quite fluid, changing dramatically depending on the specific situation. For everyday life and general social acceptance, being around the average is absolutely fine. It’s when we dip into specific niche contexts, like online dating or certain industries, that these heightened (pun intended) preferences become more apparent.
The Psychological Impact of Height on Men
Our physical attributes, including height, inevitably play a role in shaping our self-perception and, by extension, our confidence. For a man, especially in a society that often subtly links height to masculinity and power, being either shorter or significantly taller than the average can really mess with one’s head. It’s not just about what others think; it’s about what we internalize and how we talk to ourselves.
Self-Esteem and Body Image
A man’s height can become a significant component of his body image. If he perceives his height as ‘not enough’ based on societal norms or personal aspirations, it can chip away at his self-esteem. This isn’t about vanity; it’s about feeling adequate, capable, and desirable. The constant bombardment of images portraying tall, conventionally attractive men in media can exacerbate these feelings, creating a sense of inadequacy in men who don’t fit that mold. This internal struggle can be pretty isolating, and it’s something many men just don’t feel comfortable talking about openly.
Confidence and Social Interaction
Confidence is a funny thing; it’s both internal and externally reinforced. A man who feels good about his height, whatever it may be, is likely to project that confidence, which in turn can lead to more positive social interactions. Conversely, a man who feels self-conscious about his height might hunch, avoid eye contact, or generally present himself in a way that inadvertently communicates insecurity. This isn’t because he’s inherently less capable, but because the constant internal monologue about his height can be distracting and draining. It’s a vicious cycle: insecurity leads to behaviors that can be misread, leading to further insecurity.
The Pressure to “Measure Up”
There’s a palpable pressure on men to “measure up” in all sorts of ways, and height is definitely one of them. From schoolyard teasing to adult dating preferences, the message that ‘taller is better’ can be hard to escape. This pressure can be particularly heavy for younger men who are still growing or for those who hit their growth spurt earlier or later than their peers. It’s a formative experience that can shape how they view themselves for years to come. Recognizing and acknowledging this pressure is the first step towards dismantling its power over us.
Height in the Dating World: Perceptions and Realities
Let’s be real, the dating world is where the topic of height seems to get the most airplay, causing a whole lot of anxiety for many men. Online dating profiles, in particular, often highlight height as a key filter or preference. This isn’t just a casual observation; it’s a common, if sometimes frustrating, reality for many guys navigating the modern dating landscape.
The “Six Feet and Up” Phenomenon
If you’ve spent any time on dating apps, you’ve almost certainly encountered profiles specifying a preference, or even a demand, for men who are “6 feet and up.” This phenomenon is pretty pervasive and can make men who fall short of that arbitrary line feel sidelined before they even get a chance to show off their personality, humor, or intelligence. It creates a sort of unspoken hierarchy where height is given undue importance, sometimes eclipsing all other admirable qualities. It’s a tough pill to swallow for many, especially when they know they bring so much more to the table than just their vertical measurement.
Why the Preference?
The reasons behind these height preferences are multifaceted:
- Perceived Protection: Some women may consciously or unconsciously associate taller stature with a sense of security and protection.
- Societal Conditioning: Media often portrays romantic leads as tall, leading to an idealized image that influences preferences.
- Fashion/Aesthetics: For some, being able to wear heels without being taller than their partner is a consideration, or simply a preference for a certain visual dynamic.
- Evolutionary Psychology: Some theories suggest an ancestral preference for taller mates, linked to perceived strength and health.
While these preferences are real, it’s super important to remember that they are just that: preferences. They don’t dictate destiny. Many, many successful, loving relationships thrive between partners where the man isn’t “six feet and up,” or where he might even be shorter than his partner. True connection goes way beyond the tape measure.
Beyond the Initial Filter: What Really Connects People
Once you get past the initial swipe or the first impression, height tends to diminish in importance. What truly matters in a lasting relationship are qualities like kindness, intelligence, humor, emotional maturity, shared values, and mutual respect. A man’s confidence, how he treats others, his ambition, and his ability to communicate effectively will always, always outweigh a few inches. So, while height might be an initial filter for some, it rarely holds up as the sole criterion for deep, meaningful connection. Folks who are genuinely looking for a partner, not just a physical ideal, will eventually see past superficial traits.
Career and Professional Perceptions
It might sound a little wild, but a man’s height can subtly influence perceptions in the professional world too. While it’s certainly not a primary factor, and definitely shouldn’t be, some studies and observations hint at a slight advantage for taller individuals in certain career paths, particularly in leadership roles.
The “Height Advantage” in Leadership?
There’s this quiet, often unconscious bias where taller men are sometimes perceived as more authoritative, confident, and leader-like. This isn’t necessarily fair or logical, but it’s a social phenomenon that has been observed. Think about how many CEOs or political leaders you see who are relatively tall. It’s not a coincidence, but rather a reflection of these ingrained perceptions. This isn’t to say shorter men can’t be, or aren’t, excellent leaders—they absolutely are! It just means they might have to work a little harder to overcome an initial, subconscious bias.
Interview Dynamics and First Impressions
In job interviews, first impressions are everything. While a handshake, eye contact, and sharp answers are paramount, the overall presence a candidate projects can subtly influence the interviewer. Taller individuals might inadvertently command more physical space and attention, which could be misconstrued as greater confidence or presence. Again, this is not a definitive barrier for men of average or shorter stature, but it’s a subtle dynamic that exists. The key is to be aware of it and consciously project confidence and competence, regardless of your height.
Overcoming Perceptual Biases
The good news is that these biases are often unconscious and can be readily overcome by demonstrated competence, strong communication skills, and an undeniable track record. A man who consistently delivers results, inspires his team, and leads with integrity will always be valued far above any superficial physical attribute. What truly shines in the professional arena is capability, emotional intelligence, and a strong work ethic. So, while height might offer a tiny initial boost in some specific scenarios, it’s never the deciding factor for long-term success. It’s all about proving your worth, and that’s something every man has the power to do.
Navigating Life as a Shorter Man
For men who find themselves on the shorter side of the average, navigating a world that often celebrates height can present some unique challenges, both practical and psychological. But here’s the real talk: these challenges are not insurmountable, and many men lead incredibly fulfilling, successful lives regardless of their stature.
Practical Considerations
- Accessibility: Reaching high shelves at the grocery store, getting a good view at a concert, or even adjusting car seats can be minor, everyday frustrations.
- Clothing: Finding clothes that fit well off the rack can sometimes be a bit of a hassle, often requiring alterations to look sharp.
- Perceived Youth: Shorter men might sometimes be mistaken for being younger than they are, which can be annoying in professional settings or when trying to establish authority.
The Psychological Game
The biggest hurdle for shorter men often isn’t the physical reality of their height, but the societal perceptions and the internal narrative they adopt. If a man constantly feels he has to prove himself or overcompensate, it can lead to unnecessary stress and a diminished sense of self-worth. This is where the real work begins: shifting perspective.
Reframing the Narrative: Instead of focusing on what society *might* prefer, focus on your strengths. Are you quick-witted? Exceptionally intelligent? A fantastic listener? Are you agile? Often, what a shorter man lacks in vertical inches, he makes up for in other, equally valuable, or even more valuable, attributes. History is full of powerful, influential men who weren’t towering figures. Think of Napoleon, or more recently, many highly successful entrepreneurs and artists. Their height was irrelevant to their impact.
Building Confidence from Within
Confidence for a shorter man isn’t about trying to appear taller; it’s about owning who you are. Stand tall, literally and figuratively. Practice good posture, make strong eye contact, and speak with conviction. These are all things that project confidence, regardless of how many inches you measure. Investing in well-fitting clothes, maintaining a fit physique, and cultivating a magnetic personality can do wonders. It’s about building a holistic sense of self-worth that isn’t tethered to a number on a growth chart.
Navigating Life as a Taller Man
Now, it might seem like taller men have it easy, and in many respects, they do enjoy certain social advantages. However, being exceptionally tall also comes with its own set of unique quirks and challenges that folks sometimes overlook.
The Upsides
- Perceived Authority: As discussed, taller men often command attention and can be perceived as more authoritative, which can be beneficial in leadership roles.
- Social Advantages: In social settings, height can sometimes act as an initial attractant or give a man a certain presence.
- Visibility: It’s harder to be overlooked in a crowd, which can be an advantage in certain professional or networking situations.
The Downsides and Practical Annoyances
Life isn’t always built for the very tall. Just ask someone who’s 6’5” or taller, and they’ll likely give you a laundry list of woes:
- Fitting In: Airplane seats, economy car interiors, standard beds, and even certain doorways can be incredibly uncomfortable or just plain awkward.
- Clothing: Finding clothes that are long enough in the sleeves and inseams can be a constant struggle, often requiring specialized stores or custom tailoring.
- Back Pain: Constantly hunching over to talk to shorter people, or to fit under low ceilings, can lead to chronic back and neck issues.
- Being Stared At: While not necessarily negative, being noticeably taller means you often stand out, which some might find uncomfortable or feel like they’re under a constant spotlight.
- Perceived Threat: In some situations, especially if very tall and broad, a man might be perceived as more intimidating than intended, which can hinder casual interactions.
Embracing Your Stature
Just like shorter men, exceptionally tall men benefit from embracing their unique physical attributes. Using good posture, finding clothes that fit well, and managing the practical inconveniences with humor and grace can go a long way. Recognizing that while height might give an initial edge, character and kindness are what truly define a man, is just as crucial for a tall man as it is for any other. It’s about owning your presence without letting it define your personality.
The Power of Perception and Confidence: Beyond the Measuring Tape
This is where the rubber meets the road, folks. While we’ve spent a lot of time dissecting societal perceptions and practical realities concerning a man’s height, the absolute truth is that your self-worth, your impact, and your attractiveness are far, far more influenced by your confidence and your character than by any number on a tape measure. It truly doesn’t matter how tall is OK for a man if he doesn’t believe in himself.
Confidence: The Ultimate Attractor
Think about it: who are you genuinely drawn to? Is it solely the tallest person in the room, or is it the person who walks in with their head held high, a genuine smile, and an engaging demeanor? More often than not, it’s the latter. Confidence isn’t about arrogance; it’s about a quiet assurance in who you are, what you bring to the table, and your inherent value as a human being. A man who carries himself with confidence, regardless of his height, exudes an undeniable magnetism. This kind of confidence says, “I’m comfortable in my own skin, and I’m ready to engage with the world.” That’s a powerful message to send.
Cultivating an Inner Game
Confidence isn’t just something you wake up with; it’s cultivated. It’s built through:
- Self-Acceptance: Coming to terms with aspects of yourself you can’t change, including your height.
- Focusing on Strengths: Identifying and leaning into your unique talents, skills, and personality traits.
- Personal Growth: Continuously learning, developing new skills, and stepping outside your comfort zone.
- Positive Self-Talk: Challenging negative internal narratives and replacing them with encouraging, affirming thoughts.
- Mindfulness: Being present and aware, rather than constantly worrying about external perceptions.
When you feel good about who you are on the inside, it naturally radiates outwards, making your height, or lack thereof, a non-issue. People respond to genuine self-assuredness, not just physical attributes.
Beyond the Measuring Tape: What Truly Matters
So, we’ve gone deep on how tall is OK for a man. We’ve talked about averages, ideals, and the subtle societal nudges. But let’s take a step back and look at the bigger picture. When you boil it all down, what truly matters in a man? What leaves a lasting impression? What builds real connections and fosters success?
Character and Integrity
This is foundational. A man’s character—his honesty, kindness, integrity, and moral compass—is infinitely more valuable and impactful than his height. How he treats others, how he handles adversity, and whether he stands by his word speaks volumes about his true measure. These qualities are the bedrock of respect, trust, and genuine admiration.
Intelligence and Wit
A sharp mind, a curious intellect, and a good sense of humor are incredibly attractive and powerful traits. The ability to engage in stimulating conversation, to offer fresh perspectives, and to make people laugh can open more doors and build deeper bonds than any physical attribute ever could. Intelligence isn’t just about book smarts; it’s about emotional intelligence, problem-solving, and adaptability.
Ambition and Drive
Men who are driven, passionate about their goals, and continuously strive for self-improvement exude an attractive energy. This isn’t about being a workaholic, but about having purpose and direction in life. Whether it’s in their career, a hobby, or personal development, a man with ambition is often seen as dynamic and inspiring.
Empathy and Emotional Intelligence
In a world that often encourages men to suppress their emotions, the ability to genuinely connect with others, understand their feelings, and communicate effectively is a superpower. Empathy, compassion, and strong emotional intelligence are vital for building healthy relationships, leading teams, and navigating complex social situations. These qualities foster true intimacy and respect, something no amount of height can buy.
Resilience and Adaptability
Life throws curveballs at everyone. The mark of a strong man isn’t that he never faces challenges, but how he responds to them. Resilience—the ability to bounce back from setbacks—and adaptability—the willingness to learn and adjust—are essential for long-term success and well-being. These are qualities that are forged through experience, not inherited through genetics.
When you stack these qualities against a single physical trait like height, it becomes clear that the question “how tall is OK for a man?” is really just a starting point for a much richer conversation about what makes a man truly “OK”—and, indeed, truly exceptional.
Developing an Unshakeable Confidence, Regardless of Height
If you’re still wrestling with concerns about your height, here’s a checklist for cultivating that unshakeable confidence that genuinely transcends inches. This isn’t about faking it until you make it; it’s about building a solid foundation of self-worth that no external measurement can shake.
A Checklist for Height-Independent Confidence:
- Master Your Posture:
- Stand Tall: Literally. Shoulders back, chest out (but not rigidly), head level. Good posture instantly adds an inch or two and projects confidence. It also makes you feel better physically.
- Practice Regularly: Be mindful of your posture throughout the day. Set reminders if you need to.
- Dress Sharply and Intentionally:
- Well-Fitting Clothes: Invest in clothes that fit your body, not just your size. Tailoring can make a huge difference, making you look polished and put-together. Clothes that are too baggy or too tight can make you appear smaller or just awkward.
- Vertical Lines: Incorporate vertical stripes or patterns, or monochromatic outfits, which can create an illusion of height.
- Quality Over Quantity: A few key, well-made items will always look better than a closet full of ill-fitting trends.
- Cultivate a Strong Body Language:
- Eye Contact: Maintain steady, confident eye contact during conversations. It shows engagement and self-assurance.
- Open Gestures: Avoid crossing your arms or hunching. Use open hand gestures when speaking to convey warmth and openness.
- Confident Walk: Walk with purpose and a steady gait.
- Develop Compelling Communication Skills:
- Listen Actively: Show genuine interest in what others are saying.
- Speak Clearly and Confidently: Articulate your thoughts well. A strong, clear voice commands attention, regardless of height.
- Engage with Humor: A good sense of humor is universally attractive and can instantly disarm any superficial judgments.
- Focus on Self-Improvement and Hobbies:
- Become Proficient: Excel in your work, a sport, a musical instrument, or a creative pursuit. Mastery in any area builds immense self-esteem.
- Broaden Your Horizons: Read widely, learn new things, travel. A rich inner life and a wealth of knowledge make you fascinating to others.
- Build a Strong Physique (if desired):
- Stay Fit: A healthy, strong body, whatever its size, radiates vitality and confidence. It’s less about being bulky and more about being in good shape and feeling good.
- Maintain Good Health: Prioritize nutrition, sleep, and exercise. These foundational elements directly impact your energy and mood.
- Challenge Negative Self-Talk:
- Identify Triggers: Recognize when you’re slipping into self-deprecating thoughts about your height.
- Reframe Thoughts: Consciously replace negative thoughts with positive, realistic affirmations about your strengths and value.
- Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a professional if these thoughts become overwhelming.
- Connect Deeply with Others:
- Seek Genuine Connections: Gravitate towards people who appreciate you for who you are, not for superficial attributes.
- Be Present: Focus on building real relationships based on shared values, interests, and mutual respect.
- Embrace What Makes You Unique:
- Own Your Story: Your height is part of your unique physical makeup. It doesn’t define your potential or your worth.
- Find the Advantages: Even a shorter stature can have benefits (e.g., fitting into small spaces, agility in some sports). Focus on those.
By focusing on these actionable steps, any man can build a robust sense of self-worth that is entirely independent of his height. This isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about changing your relationship with it. It’s about understanding that while physical attributes exist, they are merely one small part of the complex, wonderful, and utterly unique person that you are.
Frequently Asked Questions About Men’s Height
Q1: Is there a scientifically “optimal” height for men?
The concept of a scientifically “optimal” height for men is really quite complex and depends heavily on the specific criteria you’re using. From a purely biological standpoint, average height ranges are often considered “optimal” in terms of general health and longevity, as extremes can sometimes come with specific health challenges. For instance, being excessively tall might be linked to certain cardiovascular issues or musculoskeletal problems, while being significantly shorter could sometimes be associated with other health markers depending on the underlying cause. However, these are broad generalizations and not definitive for every individual.
When you consider social or evolutionary “optimality,” the picture shifts again. Some evolutionary theories suggest that a slightly above-average height might have been advantageous for securing mates or resources in ancestral environments, perhaps due to perceived strength or dominance. In the modern world, as we’ve discussed, a certain height range (often slightly above average) is sometimes preferred in dating or even professional contexts. But this isn’t a hard scientific rule; it’s a reflection of societal preferences and biases, not a biological imperative for optimal living or reproduction. Ultimately, there’s no single number that a man absolutely “should” be to be considered optimal in all aspects of life.
Q2: Does height really affect a man’s success in life or career?
While height can sometimes play a subtle role in initial perceptions, especially in certain social and professional contexts, it’s far from the primary determinant of a man’s success in life or career. Studies and anecdotal observations occasionally point to a slight, often unconscious, bias where taller individuals might be perceived as more authoritative or leader-like, potentially giving them a marginal edge in areas like salary or leadership roles. This is thought to stem from deep-seated societal associations of height with power and competence.
However, it’s absolutely crucial to emphasize that these are often minor, initial biases that are easily overshadowed by genuine competence, strong communication skills, intelligence, integrity, and a powerful work ethic. Many, many men of average or shorter stature achieve incredible success in all fields—business, arts, science, politics, and more. What truly drives success is a combination of skill, dedication, resilience, networking ability, and emotional intelligence. A man who delivers results, leads with vision, and connects authentically with others will always be valued above someone whose only advantage is their height. So, while it might open a door slightly ajar, it’s character and capability that truly walk through and build an empire.
Q3: What role does culture play in the perception of male height?
Culture plays a significant, often underappreciated, role in shaping the perception of male height. What is considered “ideal” or “acceptable” can vary quite a bit from one culture to another, reflecting different historical, social, and even environmental contexts. For instance, in some cultures with a strong emphasis on physical prowess or where historical roles demanded physical dominance, taller stature might be more highly valued. Conversely, in cultures where agility, intellect, or other traits are prioritized, height might be less of a prominent factor.
Media representation also plays a huge part globally. The heroes and romantic leads portrayed in movies, TV shows, and advertisements often set a standard that influences societal preferences, sometimes creating a globally recognized “ideal” that may not reflect the average height of the population. These cultural narratives are not static; they evolve over time. While there might be some universal human tendencies to associate height with certain qualities, the specific nuances of what’s considered “how tall is OK for a man” are deeply ingrained in, and often dictated by, the prevailing cultural norms and values of a particular society. It’s a testament to how our environment shapes our perspectives on something as fundamental as physical appearance.
Q4: How can men overcome height insecurity?
Overcoming height insecurity is fundamentally about shifting focus from an uncontrollable physical attribute to cultivating a powerful internal sense of self-worth and confidence. It’s a journey of self-acceptance and strategic self-improvement. Firstly, recognize that your height is just one small aspect of your entire being; it does not define your value, your potential, or your attractiveness. Challenge those negative internal voices that tell you otherwise, and actively replace them with affirmations of your strengths and unique qualities.
Practically, investing in impeccable grooming and well-fitting attire can make a huge difference in how you carry yourself and how others perceive you. Good posture alone can add inches to your perceived height and immediately projects confidence. Focus on developing exceptional communication skills, including strong eye contact and clear articulation, as these command attention and respect regardless of physical stature. Engage in hobbies and pursuits where you can excel, building competence and a sense of mastery that boosts self-esteem. Surround yourself with people who value you for your character, intelligence, and kindness, not superficial traits. Ultimately, cultivating an inner game of confidence, empathy, and resilience will empower you far beyond any physical measurement, making your height an afterthought in the grand scheme of who you are.